1 00:00:01,082 --> 00:00:02,083 (Computer chimes) 2 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:03,117 Oh! 3 00:00:03,117 --> 00:00:05,787 Breaking Bad Season Five downloaded. 4 00:00:05,787 --> 00:00:07,955 Walter White is on tonight. 5 00:00:07,955 --> 00:00:10,448 Sofia, it's Friday night! 6 00:00:10,449 --> 00:00:11,617 Yeah, it is! 7 00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:13,653 We're not gonna sleep till the sun comes up! 8 00:00:13,654 --> 00:00:15,389 You're damn right we're not! 9 00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:19,052 Both: Aren't you gonna change? Why would I change? 10 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,587 We're going out clubbing tonight. 11 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,706 No, we're not. We're finishing Breaking Bad tonight. 12 00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:25,237 You know what's breaking bad? Your dating life. 13 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,129 What are you talking about? 14 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,172 I date. 15 00:00:29,173 --> 00:00:31,954 You've been on three dates in the past year and you found a reason to hate all of them. 16 00:00:32,093 --> 00:00:33,228 That's not true! 17 00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,871 You remember Mr. Brilliant? 18 00:00:35,872 --> 00:00:37,174 How could I forget? 19 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,160 (Snooty accent) "The traffic is brilliant. 20 00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:41,062 "The lighting was brilliant. 21 00:00:41,797 --> 00:00:43,953 "These ice cubes are brilliant." 22 00:00:44,955 --> 00:00:46,507 Okay, well, then you didn't like Rick 23 00:00:46,507 --> 00:00:48,699 because he dotted his I's with a bubble. 24 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,955 And he had a flip phone. 25 00:00:50,956 --> 00:00:52,199 What are we, cavemen? 26 00:00:52,906 --> 00:00:54,441 Okay, listen... 27 00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:57,113 Sweetie, did you ever think maybe you're just a little too picky? 28 00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:58,399 No! 29 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,086 Look, you just don't get it, 30 00:01:00,086 --> 00:01:02,455 because you have a super Cooper bear. 31 00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:03,924 Yeah, and that's why I'm pushing you so hard. 32 00:01:03,924 --> 00:01:07,394 I want you to have a super significant other bear. 33 00:01:08,282 --> 00:01:09,929 Well, it ain't gonna happen, 34 00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:11,831 because all the perfect guys are taken. 35 00:01:11,831 --> 00:01:13,340 I met the perfect guy! 36 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,335 - (Gasps) - (Laughs) 37 00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:16,372 Marco! 38 00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:17,372 Polo! 39 00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:19,191 Where'd you meet him? The pool? 40 00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:23,515 In the pool of hotties on "HeyCupid." 41 00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:25,050 It's a dating app 42 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,284 where you hold your phone up 43 00:01:26,284 --> 00:01:28,887 and if a guy nearby likes your profile, 44 00:01:28,887 --> 00:01:29,921 bam! 45 00:01:29,921 --> 00:01:31,156 (Giggles) 46 00:01:31,156 --> 00:01:32,524 Now I have Marco. 47 00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:36,524 He's cool, sexy, and owns a gourmet butcher shop. 48 00:01:36,711 --> 00:01:38,296 Oh, wow! 49 00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:40,098 Sofia hasn't had a good piece of meat in a while. 50 00:01:43,443 --> 00:01:44,511 So, uh, 51 00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:45,873 we're going on our second date tonight, 52 00:01:45,874 --> 00:01:48,116 so I just came to pick up some mo' wine. 53 00:01:48,911 --> 00:01:50,051 - (Timer dings) - Oh! 54 00:01:50,052 --> 00:01:51,721 And whatever might be in your oven. 55 00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:53,980 Whoo! 56 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:58,051 Girl, I am so glad I moved next door. 57 00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:02,524 Sofia... 58 00:02:02,525 --> 00:02:03,659 don't even say it. 59 00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:04,928 I'm not using that app. 60 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,526 Men of the world, you've had your chance. 61 00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:10,296 My ass might not quit, but I do. 62 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,634 Yeah, well, luckily I don't. 63 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:18,237 "HeyCupid," meet Sofia Maria Consuelo Rafeala Rodriguez. 64 00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:21,302 That's gonna be an autocorrect nightmare. 65 00:02:22,124 --> 00:02:23,792 (Theme music playing) 66 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,034 She in the spotlight 67 00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:31,665 And she turned my head 68 00:02:31,666 --> 00:02:33,621 She'd run a red light 69 00:02:33,622 --> 00:02:35,445 'Cause she bad like that 70 00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,375 I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby 71 00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:39,411 Baby 72 00:02:39,411 --> 00:02:41,980 I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby 73 00:02:42,007 --> 00:02:43,297 Sync and corrections by PetaG - www.addic7ed.com - 74 00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:47,404 I need you to press pause on your pathetic little life and help me hide Josh's stuff. 75 00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,663 Caroline just announced her engagement. 76 00:02:50,907 --> 00:02:51,701 What? 77 00:02:51,702 --> 00:02:53,513 But she and Josh broke up, like, two months ago. 78 00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,293 I thought she'd be too busy 79 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:56,095 making coats out of dalmatian puppies 80 00:02:56,095 --> 00:02:57,129 to get married again. 81 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,367 Wait, does Josh know? 82 00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,101 Why do you think I'm hiding his laptop 83 00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:03,135 his smartphone... 84 00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:06,038 And whatever this vibrating thing is? 85 00:03:09,609 --> 00:03:11,477 Yolanda just told me Caroline's engaged? 86 00:03:11,477 --> 00:03:12,478 Damn it! 87 00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:15,314 Listen, Josh, 88 00:03:15,314 --> 00:03:17,249 just because Caroline is engaged doesn't mean 89 00:03:17,249 --> 00:03:18,463 you need to go start feeling 90 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,252 - all bad about yourself. - I don't. 91 00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:23,022 You know, like, "Am I not charming enough? 92 00:03:23,022 --> 00:03:24,689 "Am I not funny enough? Am I getting fat?" 93 00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:25,625 Gabi. 94 00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:28,227 Just for the record, Josh, 95 00:03:28,228 --> 00:03:30,449 I'd love you even if you did get fat. 96 00:03:32,031 --> 00:03:33,232 Guys, 97 00:03:33,232 --> 00:03:34,567 I'm happy for Caroline. 98 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,522 We weren't meant to be together. It's all good. 99 00:03:36,523 --> 00:03:39,479 You don't need to be brave for us, big guy. 100 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,141 Bring it in. 101 00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:45,458 I don't need to go in. 102 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,461 I'm good. 103 00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:51,608 Can I tell you a secret? 104 00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:52,385 What? 105 00:03:52,385 --> 00:03:54,882 If he got fat, wouldn't love him. 106 00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:01,627 (Phone chimes) 107 00:04:01,627 --> 00:04:03,491 Oh, Elliot, can you grab my phone? 108 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,336 I'm elbow-deep in dumplings. 109 00:04:06,265 --> 00:04:08,167 I'm elbow-deep in "I don't care." 110 00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:10,652 (Scoffs) Please, 111 00:04:10,653 --> 00:04:12,222 I made Sofia a fake dating profile 112 00:04:12,223 --> 00:04:14,006 and every time it dings, it means she got a match. 113 00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,041 Don't you want to see? 114 00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,375 Are the guys shirtless? 115 00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:19,311 No. 116 00:04:19,311 --> 00:04:20,346 Then no. 117 00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:21,180 (Phone chimes) 118 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:22,692 Shoot. Uh... 119 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,218 Ooh, Ruben. 120 00:04:26,218 --> 00:04:28,020 Let's see, college graduate, 121 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:29,255 works in marketing, 122 00:04:29,255 --> 00:04:30,898 five foot... 123 00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:33,259 Eleven! (Gasps) 124 00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:36,362 Oh! Elliot, it looks like we have a match. 125 00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:37,630 Did you know, statistically, 126 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:39,687 cellphones are dirtier than toilet seats? 127 00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:42,668 I did not. 128 00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,236 Excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom, 129 00:04:44,236 --> 00:04:45,479 scrubbing my face till I bleed. 130 00:04:47,907 --> 00:04:49,375 What do you think? 131 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,943 Marco's taking me to lunch, 132 00:04:50,943 --> 00:04:52,244 and I'm trying to look young. 133 00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,635 Is he picking you up 20 years ago? 134 00:04:56,717 --> 00:04:58,119 I'm gonna go touch-up my makeup. 135 00:04:58,119 --> 00:04:59,754 Josh's paint roller is in the laundry room. 136 00:05:00,755 --> 00:05:01,756 (Doorbell rings) 137 00:05:09,096 --> 00:05:10,932 Hi, I'm here to... 138 00:05:12,648 --> 00:05:13,504 Elliot? 139 00:05:13,505 --> 00:05:14,683 Marco? 140 00:05:14,683 --> 00:05:15,918 (Gasps) 141 00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:17,904 You're the Marco that's going out with Yolanda? 142 00:05:18,954 --> 00:05:20,647 But you used to date men, 143 00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:22,624 and by men, I mean me. 144 00:05:24,785 --> 00:05:26,653 Okay, this just got a little weird. 145 00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,923 I haven't seen you since the Madonna concert. 146 00:05:29,923 --> 00:05:32,492 That was a terrible place to dump me. 147 00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:35,996 I haven't been able to listen to her music since. 148 00:05:37,217 --> 00:05:38,699 Honey, no one has. 149 00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:41,225 Oh, Elliot, 150 00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:43,256 I see you've already met Marco. 151 00:05:43,257 --> 00:05:44,915 Yes, we just met. 152 00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:46,317 Just now. 153 00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,531 Not at Brad's Tony Awards party. 154 00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:52,168 Well, let's go, baby. 155 00:05:52,925 --> 00:05:56,239 Marco, are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable using the back door? 156 00:05:59,588 --> 00:06:00,623 So... 157 00:06:00,624 --> 00:06:02,110 What are we thinking for lunch, babe? 158 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,817 Thai? Italian? 159 00:06:03,818 --> 00:06:04,773 (Both giggle) 160 00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:06,292 Why don't you try Korean? 161 00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:10,164 Oh, wait. 162 00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:11,733 You have. 163 00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,968 Ruben, this is not a big deal. 164 00:06:17,968 --> 00:06:19,803 Okay? You've just got to tell Sofia 165 00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:22,038 that you're a friend of my boyfriend, Cooper. 166 00:06:22,038 --> 00:06:23,607 How tight am I with this Cooper? 167 00:06:23,607 --> 00:06:25,509 I mean, do we have nicknames for each other? 168 00:06:25,509 --> 00:06:27,010 Would the guy give me a kidney? 169 00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,245 Why? Why do you need a kidney? 170 00:06:28,245 --> 00:06:29,495 That was not in your profile. 171 00:06:29,496 --> 00:06:31,813 Look, look, I think your roommate is really cute, 172 00:06:31,814 --> 00:06:34,520 - but I'm just not comfortable lying. - (Gasps) Sofia! 173 00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,515 And suddenly, I'm comfortable. 174 00:06:36,853 --> 00:06:37,412 Wow, 175 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,200 you're even prettier than your picture... 176 00:06:39,201 --> 00:06:41,871 That, ah, Coop showed me at work 177 00:06:41,872 --> 00:06:43,406 where I don't need a kidney. 178 00:06:43,407 --> 00:06:45,318 O... kay. So you're in tech. 179 00:06:45,424 --> 00:06:46,905 Tech... nology? 180 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,712 He was, but now he's not. 181 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,781 Yeah, I had a career change. 182 00:06:51,782 --> 00:06:54,162 I work for an establishment that makes sandwiches. 183 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,931 It's called Sammich's. 184 00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:57,119 You heard of it? 185 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,055 Fast food, yes. 186 00:06:59,138 --> 00:07:01,134 Have you ever heard of someone having to leave 187 00:07:01,135 --> 00:07:03,272 a date early because she has an appointment? 188 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,322 This is that. 189 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,047 Sofia. 190 00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:08,060 I cover five of their franchises as a marketing associate. 191 00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:09,859 I can reschedule. 192 00:07:10,581 --> 00:07:11,882 Yeah, you can. 193 00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,718 You know, Coopster told me you were smart, 194 00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:16,186 funny, and gorgeous. 195 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,721 If you ask me, 196 00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:19,590 he under-promised and over-delivered. 197 00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,291 (Giggles) 198 00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:22,726 Marketing speak. 199 00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:24,661 Gabi, I just remembered that you have to leave early 200 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:25,762 because you have an appointment. 201 00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:26,597 - No, I don't. - You do! 202 00:07:26,597 --> 00:07:27,598 Okay. 203 00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:36,306 Good morning, my beautiful best friend. 204 00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:39,698 Well, "good morning" before coffee? 205 00:07:39,699 --> 00:07:42,424 It looks like somebody has a roommate that found her the perfect guy! 206 00:07:42,425 --> 00:07:44,433 Shh! He's in there right now. 207 00:07:44,434 --> 00:07:45,468 (Gasps) Wow. 208 00:07:45,469 --> 00:07:46,377 Damn, girl. 209 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,995 Way to make up for lost time. 210 00:07:47,996 --> 00:07:49,358 Was it like riding a bicycle 211 00:07:49,359 --> 00:07:52,264 or was it like riding a bicycle a whole bunch of times? 212 00:07:54,196 --> 00:07:56,231 No, all we did was talk. 213 00:07:56,231 --> 00:07:57,933 Naked? 214 00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:00,235 No, you know I'm old fashioned. 215 00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:02,805 Booty's gotta wait till at least the seventh date. 216 00:08:02,805 --> 00:08:06,075 Ugh, but he is so amazing 217 00:08:06,075 --> 00:08:08,377 and sweet and ambitious. 218 00:08:08,378 --> 00:08:10,515 Plus, I did a background check while he was sleeping. 219 00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:11,871 No priors. 220 00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:15,284 Oh, wow. No urine sample? You're slipping. 221 00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:17,242 Well, anyway, I'm gonna shower 222 00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,908 because he says he has to leave for work, 223 00:08:18,909 --> 00:08:20,602 where he wears a suit. 224 00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:22,472 I'm finally dating a guy who wears a suit! 225 00:08:24,539 --> 00:08:26,507 Go Gabi, go Gabi. 226 00:08:29,745 --> 00:08:30,746 Hey, Ruben. 227 00:08:30,746 --> 00:08:31,780 Hey! 228 00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:32,815 I thought you left for work. 229 00:08:34,717 --> 00:08:35,784 I did not. 230 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:38,887 Your turn. 231 00:08:38,887 --> 00:08:40,956 (Chuckles) You mean this? 232 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:43,140 I wear this for work. 233 00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:44,960 Sofia said you wore a suit to work. 234 00:08:45,641 --> 00:08:46,676 I do. 235 00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:48,412 A ham and cheese sandwich suit. 236 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,804 (Laughs) What? 237 00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,706 (Angrily) I mean, what? 238 00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,641 You know, for Sammich's. 239 00:08:54,641 --> 00:08:56,928 I'm Sammy the sammich. 240 00:08:56,929 --> 00:08:58,479 My costume's in the car. 241 00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,896 Oh my God, I-I set Sofia up with a sandwich but... 242 00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,798 wait, you said you were in marketing. 243 00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:06,200 Well, people see me dance, and they buy a sandwich... 244 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,389 marketing. 245 00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,558 Oh my God. 246 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,908 This is so much worse than having a flip phone. 247 00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,915 That's why I don't tell girls on the first date. 248 00:09:13,916 --> 00:09:15,258 They can be a little judgy. 249 00:09:15,939 --> 00:09:17,931 Yeah, well, you are a sammich. 250 00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:22,686 And if Sofia finds out, she is never gonna go out with you again. 251 00:09:22,686 --> 00:09:24,822 (Sighs) I really like her. 252 00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:26,890 I know, and I'm her best friend, 253 00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:28,541 and I want to continue to be, 254 00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,504 so you just can't tell her. 255 00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:32,202 Okay? Promise me. 256 00:09:32,203 --> 00:09:34,023 - Okay, yeah. - All right, shake on it! 257 00:09:38,435 --> 00:09:39,703 Oh God, what have I done? 258 00:09:44,721 --> 00:09:45,789 (Phone chimes) 259 00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:48,358 Oh, man. I've gotta delete this app. 260 00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:50,994 Setting up Sofia was the worst idea I've ever had. 261 00:09:50,994 --> 00:09:52,195 How would you know? 262 00:09:52,195 --> 00:09:54,197 Don't you need to have a good idea to compare it to? 263 00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:56,065 You know what? It's fine. 264 00:09:56,066 --> 00:09:58,247 It'll be okay. She'll find something about him that she hates, 265 00:09:58,248 --> 00:09:59,634 and then she'll dump him before she finds out 266 00:09:59,635 --> 00:10:01,257 he's a sandwich and dumps me. 267 00:10:02,523 --> 00:10:04,024 Ugh, Gabi! 268 00:10:04,025 --> 00:10:06,176 Enough with the incessant whining. 269 00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:09,353 (Whining) Josh! 270 00:10:09,354 --> 00:10:10,956 I have a problem. 271 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:12,956 Now is not a good time, Elliot. 272 00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:16,010 Yolanda's dating someone I used to date. Should I tell her? 273 00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:16,813 Yes. 274 00:10:18,948 --> 00:10:20,871 I was hoping you'd go the other way... 275 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,149 Like Marco used to. 276 00:10:24,987 --> 00:10:28,791 Listen, I may have a little bit of a situation, too. 277 00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:29,909 Whatever it is, 278 00:10:29,910 --> 00:10:32,760 don't do something in the heat of the moment that you'll regret forever. 279 00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:34,891 That's all I do. Do you know me? 280 00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:37,383 Are you okay? 281 00:10:37,384 --> 00:10:38,518 I'm fine. No, I'm not. 282 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,382 So I was thinking about how happy I am for Caroline, 283 00:10:41,382 --> 00:10:43,758 so I went over to her place and gave her a wedding gift. 284 00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,252 Oh, that's sweet. What'd you give her? 285 00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:46,287 An orgasm. 286 00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:47,288 What? 287 00:10:48,422 --> 00:10:49,740 We had sex. 288 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:51,083 Y... 289 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,953 yes, I know what an orgasm is! 290 00:10:52,954 --> 00:10:54,856 I just didn't know that you could register for one. 291 00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:56,292 Oh! Ugh! 292 00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:58,929 Oh my God, what is going on with me? 293 00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,574 I mean, since I broke up with Caroline, there's been 294 00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:03,300 Jilly, Lauren, Shauna, almost Shauna's daughter, 295 00:11:03,471 --> 00:11:04,538 and now back to Caroline. 296 00:11:05,656 --> 00:11:06,958 You lapped yourself. 297 00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:08,728 I know. 298 00:11:08,729 --> 00:11:12,421 High school Josh would have been stoked to be in this position, but this is not me. 299 00:11:12,879 --> 00:11:14,147 You know what? 300 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,418 I am not sleeping with any more women until I figure out what is going on. 301 00:11:17,906 --> 00:11:19,187 Listen, 302 00:11:19,274 --> 00:11:21,299 you're not the only one who's been messing up recently. 303 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:22,749 I, uh, (Clears throat) 304 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,014 I accidentally set Sofia up with a sandwich. 305 00:11:28,098 --> 00:11:29,627 I see what you're doing, Gabi. 306 00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,630 You're making up something more idiotic than what I did 307 00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:33,590 to help me feel better about myself. Thank you. 308 00:11:35,812 --> 00:11:37,347 Yeah, that's what I'm doing. 309 00:11:45,134 --> 00:11:46,502 Yolanda! 310 00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,071 I have to tell you something! 311 00:11:48,071 --> 00:11:49,514 Well, tell me while I vacuum, 312 00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:52,242 I have to hurry for my date with Marco! 313 00:11:52,242 --> 00:11:53,610 About that, 314 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:55,245 I used to date him! 315 00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:56,546 (Shouting) What? 316 00:11:56,546 --> 00:11:59,382 I used to date Marco! 317 00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:04,485 What the hell you talkin' about? 318 00:12:06,232 --> 00:12:08,201 Marco likes women. 319 00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:09,369 Now. 320 00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:12,959 I don't believe you. 321 00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:14,846 Shark tattoo right between the... 322 00:12:14,847 --> 00:12:15,848 Oh my damn! 323 00:12:18,415 --> 00:12:19,696 I'm sorry. 324 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,785 Marco must have been experimenting, 325 00:12:21,785 --> 00:12:23,390 and I was his laboratory. 326 00:12:26,231 --> 00:12:27,874 I can't believe I'm saying this, 327 00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,901 but I don't want you to get hurt. 328 00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:32,237 'Cause even though Marco went straight, 329 00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:34,172 he still might fluctuate. 330 00:12:34,811 --> 00:12:38,311 Oh, that is so sweet, Elliot. 331 00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,269 But let's be real. 332 00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,773 He went "gaysian," then changed his persuasion. 333 00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,044 Oh, hey, I had a thought about Ruben. 334 00:12:53,044 --> 00:12:56,661 Oh, you noticed he chews weird, and you kicked him to the curb? 335 00:12:58,282 --> 00:12:59,784 He chews perfectly. 336 00:12:59,784 --> 00:13:00,785 Finally! 337 00:13:01,786 --> 00:13:03,321 Hey, listen, the point is 338 00:13:03,321 --> 00:13:05,123 uh, you got your groove back. 339 00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:08,292 You know, so now you can get out there and you can date other people, not Ruben. 340 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,395 Are you crazy? 341 00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:12,030 I finally meet a guy I like, 342 00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:15,571 that's why I'm breaking the seven-date rule on having sex tonight. 343 00:13:15,572 --> 00:13:16,834 No! No, no, no. Don't. 344 00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:18,970 Put that away! 345 00:13:20,371 --> 00:13:22,440 The rule is very clear, okay? 346 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,553 Booty's gotta wait until you find things you hate. 347 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,156 Okay, what is going on? 348 00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:27,257 Because a couple of days ago, 349 00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:28,625 you couldn't wait for me to meet someone. 350 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:29,793 And now you want me to dump him? 351 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,095 Okay, sit down. 352 00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:34,873 There's something about Ruben you should know. 353 00:13:34,874 --> 00:13:35,691 Okay, well tell me. 354 00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,779 Because I think he's the perfect man. 355 00:13:37,855 --> 00:13:39,311 Not so much of a man... 356 00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:43,640 As a manwich. 357 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,728 What? 358 00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:49,646 (Sighs) Ruben... 359 00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:51,248 Is a sandwich. 360 00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:54,789 Yes, Gabi. Haha! 361 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,664 I'm sure he's never heard that one before. 362 00:13:56,761 --> 00:14:00,064 No, no, no. No! Listen, my point is 363 00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:02,300 Ruben is a sandwich, 364 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,069 a professional sandwich. 365 00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:07,105 Ruben is Sammy the sammich. 366 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,442 Hold on. 367 00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:12,398 You mean, the one that stands outside the... 368 00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:13,433 - Uh-huh. Yeah. - With the... 369 00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:14,602 - Who does the... - Yeah. 370 00:14:14,713 --> 00:14:16,081 - What the... - Go! 371 00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:20,971 I don't understand. Why can't you just break up with him 372 00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:22,506 over text like all the other ones? 373 00:14:22,555 --> 00:14:23,923 Because he lied to me. 374 00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:26,291 I almost had a one-night "standwich." 375 00:14:27,014 --> 00:14:28,048 Here he is. 376 00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,181 Hey! 377 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:33,890 Why didn't you tell me? 378 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:35,488 I mean, we-we stayed up all night talking. 379 00:14:35,489 --> 00:14:37,293 We shared intimate details of our lives. 380 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,430 I know your favorite sandwich! 381 00:14:38,431 --> 00:14:41,000 But you forgot to mention that you are one! 382 00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:42,841 - (Gasps) Hey! - Gabi: Hey, hey! 383 00:14:42,842 --> 00:14:43,947 Don't push me! 384 00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:45,683 Nobody shoves my best friend. 385 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,619 Come here! (Grunting) 386 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,721 (Grunts) 387 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,691 - (Gabi groans) - (Sofia screams) 388 00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:52,127 You got to apologize! 389 00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:53,883 (Gabi and Sofia gasp) 390 00:14:54,996 --> 00:14:56,231 You're not Ruben. 391 00:14:56,232 --> 00:14:57,500 You're damn right I'm not. 392 00:14:57,501 --> 00:14:58,735 (Gasps) 393 00:14:58,736 --> 00:15:01,239 Uh, five second rule. I'm so sorry! 394 00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:03,167 (Gabi and Sofia grunting) 395 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,103 I'm so sorry. 396 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,273 Sofia? What are you doing here? 397 00:15:06,274 --> 00:15:08,476 Oh my God. The gloves. 398 00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:10,965 You are a sandwich! 399 00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:12,100 I was gonna tell you, 400 00:15:12,101 --> 00:15:13,503 but Gabi made me swear not to. 401 00:15:13,504 --> 00:15:15,105 What? 402 00:15:15,106 --> 00:15:16,708 All right, you can't pin this all on me. 403 00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:19,378 This never would have happened if you didn't lie to me on your HeyCupid profile. 404 00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:22,214 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back it up, sista. 405 00:15:23,494 --> 00:15:24,929 Profile? 406 00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:26,745 I thought you said he was a friend of Cooper's. 407 00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:28,729 Uh... 408 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:31,497 Okay. Listen, I'm-I'm just gonna come clean. Okay? 409 00:15:32,521 --> 00:15:33,789 Cooper went on HeyCupid... 410 00:15:33,789 --> 00:15:36,258 - Gabi. - I'm sorry. 411 00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,993 I set you up with a fake dating profile, 412 00:15:37,993 --> 00:15:39,962 'cause I wanted you to find the perfect guy. 413 00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,029 Oh my God. 414 00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:43,465 You know, this is too much... 415 00:15:43,465 --> 00:15:44,866 Even for you. 416 00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,915 You're lucky this doesn't have a middle finger! 417 00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:49,852 (Gasps) 418 00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,077 Everyone's talking about this place. 419 00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:53,950 (Both chuckle) 420 00:15:53,951 --> 00:15:55,906 And the food looks good. 421 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:59,207 Oh, the porterhouse steak sounds awesome. 422 00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:02,577 Oh, but the Chinese chicken salad looks delish! 423 00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:06,147 So you can go either way, huh? 424 00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:07,148 I sure can. 425 00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,318 I think I'll have the salad. 426 00:16:10,318 --> 00:16:12,020 I love an Asian dressing. 427 00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:13,042 (Giggles) 428 00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,511 And undressing. 429 00:16:16,211 --> 00:16:17,240 (Forced chuckle) 430 00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:18,809 Bop, bop, bop. 431 00:16:20,642 --> 00:16:22,192 (Marco's voice) Let's hurry and order. 432 00:16:22,193 --> 00:16:23,517 The sooner we eat, 433 00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:25,921 the sooner we can burn off these calories. 434 00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:27,785 Oh, hell no, Elliot! 435 00:16:28,818 --> 00:16:29,817 Elliot? 436 00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:31,241 Oh. 437 00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:33,548 I see what this is about. 438 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,082 He told you we used to date 439 00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,152 and it freaks you out that I've been with men. 440 00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:39,240 Oh, no, no. 441 00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:41,944 I-I'm cool with that. I mean, whatever floats your boat. 442 00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:44,185 But Elliot? 443 00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:47,255 Let's leave the past in the past. 444 00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:51,307 Tonight is just you and me. 445 00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:53,163 (Giggles) Oh, you're right. 446 00:16:53,164 --> 00:16:54,599 I'm being silly. 447 00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:57,094 Mmm. 448 00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:58,269 Ah! 449 00:16:58,923 --> 00:16:59,924 I can't. 450 00:16:59,924 --> 00:17:01,926 I'm sorry, Elliot... I mean, Marco... 451 00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:04,162 El Marco. Bye! 452 00:17:08,009 --> 00:17:10,678 This whole Caroline thing just really screwed with my head. 453 00:17:10,678 --> 00:17:12,284 I need to work out some frustration. 454 00:17:12,285 --> 00:17:14,487 Couldn't you just drink, like my dad? 455 00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:16,675 I mean, it was so stupid. 456 00:17:16,676 --> 00:17:18,578 I don't even have feelings for her anymore. 457 00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,082 It meant nothing. 458 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:20,934 Ouch! 459 00:17:20,935 --> 00:17:22,709 Yeah, I know. It sounds harsh, but it's true. 460 00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:24,647 She was never right for me. None of these girls were. 461 00:17:24,648 --> 00:17:26,350 Why do I keep hooking up with all these women? 462 00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:28,353 (Panting) Okay, you need to stop. 463 00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:30,523 I wish I could, Elliot. I wish I could. 464 00:17:30,524 --> 00:17:31,858 (Groans) It hurts! 465 00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:36,010 You're damn right, it does, but maybe I bury this pain by sleeping around. 466 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,079 Why are you doing this? 467 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,949 Maybe because I want that feeling, Elliot. 468 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:41,085 The feeling you get when you're excited about somebody, 469 00:17:41,086 --> 00:17:42,221 when you can't get enough of them. 470 00:17:42,222 --> 00:17:43,597 When all you do is think about them... 471 00:17:43,598 --> 00:17:44,784 The way I feel about Gabi. 472 00:17:44,953 --> 00:17:46,096 - Gabi? - Oof! 473 00:17:48,224 --> 00:17:49,726 Oh my God, that's it. 474 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,158 I still have feelings for Gabi. 475 00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:54,212 (Sighs) 476 00:17:54,387 --> 00:17:55,588 Now what? 477 00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:57,675 Call 911. 478 00:18:03,776 --> 00:18:06,178 Even though I am eating this sundae you made 479 00:18:06,178 --> 00:18:08,180 to buy back my friendship, 480 00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:10,182 it does not mean that I have forgiven you. 481 00:18:10,182 --> 00:18:12,718 Sofia, I noticed that you are 482 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:15,721 picking out and not eating the almonds. 483 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,590 (Clears throat) Let me stop you right there. 484 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,759 I know what you're doing. 485 00:18:20,759 --> 00:18:22,828 You put almonds in my sundae, 486 00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:24,630 knowing that I do not like them, 487 00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:26,732 because even though the sundae's not perfect, 488 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,100 I'll love it anyway. 489 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,803 Oh, did you pick up on that? 490 00:18:30,803 --> 00:18:33,604 And it's not gonna work because a sundae isn't a person, 491 00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:36,841 unless you're planning to set me up with a person who dresses like a sundae. 492 00:18:37,973 --> 00:18:40,541 Let me ask you something. Who's the biggest disaster 493 00:18:40,542 --> 00:18:41,617 you've ever met in your whole life? 494 00:18:41,618 --> 00:18:42,619 You. 495 00:18:43,529 --> 00:18:45,368 Okay, first off, you answered that too fast. 496 00:18:45,942 --> 00:18:47,617 And second, 497 00:18:47,848 --> 00:18:49,439 despite what happened today, 498 00:18:49,439 --> 00:18:50,473 do you love me? 499 00:18:51,541 --> 00:18:53,243 (Sighs) Of course I do. 500 00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:55,893 Well, then why is it you can accept all of my flaws 501 00:18:55,894 --> 00:18:58,625 and still love me, but you can't do that with the guys that you date? 502 00:18:58,757 --> 00:18:59,775 I don't know. 503 00:18:59,776 --> 00:19:02,332 It's j... it's just different with guys. 504 00:19:02,452 --> 00:19:04,287 Oh, is it? 505 00:19:05,522 --> 00:19:07,858 Yes, I mean, they're... 506 00:19:07,858 --> 00:19:09,526 They're like... 507 00:19:09,526 --> 00:19:11,294 They do... (Sighs) 508 00:19:12,662 --> 00:19:14,397 Wow, that's a really good point. 509 00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:17,601 Well, let me ask you another question. 510 00:19:17,601 --> 00:19:20,303 Would you still love me if I was a sandwich? 511 00:19:21,671 --> 00:19:23,473 Oh my God. 512 00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,645 My plan has worked. 513 00:19:35,552 --> 00:19:36,653 Ruben! 514 00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:52,469 Oh! 515 00:19:52,469 --> 00:19:54,871 I am... I am so, so sorry! 516 00:19:54,871 --> 00:19:56,740 I really like you, 517 00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:59,209 and I don't care if you're a sandwich. 518 00:19:59,209 --> 00:20:01,478 We just won't tell my parents. 519 00:20:01,478 --> 00:20:03,079 Oh, please tell me I have the right one. 520 00:20:05,315 --> 00:20:06,583 Yeah, you do. 521 00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:08,318 Thank God! 522 00:20:14,085 --> 00:20:15,854 Marco, I had a feeling you'd call. 523 00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,715 I just wanted to make up for the Madonna concert. 524 00:20:18,715 --> 00:20:21,318 Papa don't mean to preach, but I have a boyfriend. 525 00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:23,340 I just thought that since you're here, 526 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,975 you and your boyfriend aren't exclusive. 527 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,935 It's just a drink. 528 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:31,249 Yeah, that's what you said the night we met. 529 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,017 (Marco's voice) Look me in the eye 530 00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,878 and tell me that you're not attracted to me, baby. 531 00:20:36,879 --> 00:20:39,531 That you don't want a big slice of this. 532 00:20:39,743 --> 00:20:41,143 Ah! 533 00:20:41,187 --> 00:20:42,678 Sorry, I can't do this! 534 00:20:42,678 --> 00:20:44,911 Marco... Yolanda... Malanda. 535 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,118 Bye! 536 00:20:46,118 --> 00:20:47,747 Sync and corrections by PetaG - www.addic7ed.com - 537 00:20:47,797 --> 00:20:52,347 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0